Birthdays and Holidays Spent Abroad

I wrote most of this a month or so back, and polished it off just now.

I spent my 29th birthday here in Barcelona. And I'm grateful. I've now spent several birthdays and holidays away from home, and I feel it's something worth writing about.

The first Christmas I ever spent not with my family was my first Christmas living in Konstanz. It was Christmas 2019. I had gotten to Germany October 1st 2019, and flying back home so soon just didn't make much sense. It was expensive and a quick turnaround. My mom's brother, my uncle Joel, lived in Norway for 13 years and had three children there before moving back to the U.S. My Uncle's wife, my aunt Tonja, is Norwegian and their family typically spends most of their Christmases in Norway with her parents. I'd never met them, but my uncle's in-laws Knut and Toril welcomed me with open arms. A Norwegian Christmas revolved around a big bread-based breakfast and a bigger traditional dinner spent with family. 4 nights in a row, the 23rd through 26th. The traditional breakfasts were every topping you could imagine with fresh warm rolls. Lox, meats, cheeses, honey, jams, anything you like. And the dinners were primarily based on what could traditionally be preserved through to winter time in older days. Trout preserved via fermentation (rakfisk), cod preserved via lye (lutefisk), pickled herring (julesild), and salt-cured lamb (pinnekjøtt). Some of these dishes were more stomachable than others, but the quickest way to a host's heart is to embrace and enjoy their dishes, particularly when they are a bit unusual. So every night I sang the praises of whatever was on the menu, downed my aquavit (a strong liquor that in theory burned the fat as you ate), and felt grateful to be around my aunt and uncle, cousins, and their family. I had difficulty communicating with Toril, but it was clear she was the sweetest lady. Knut, the family patriarch, spoke some German and some English, and between the two managed to teach me a couple phrases in Norwegian along the way. (As an aside, I'll never forget Knut's advice, a few years later, when I told him about my acid reflux issues. He told me I needed to eat carrots during the week and drink Underberg (a herbal liquor) on the weekends.)

It's one of the things my Uncle and his family are best at - they made me feel like I belonged at the table. And that meant a lot.

My second Thanksgiving spent not with my family was my second year in Konstanz. A friend of mine, Mathew - the tall, steady, unbothered, intellectual Australian - was living in the Konstanz Natur und Sportverein. It was a fishing/sport/nature club on the Rhein river that held events and had rooms for members in the summer, but rented their rooms out to students and other young people in the winters, when demand was lower. They had a nice little clubhouse, fit with two full industrial kitchens and a big dining area in a sun room of sorts. We showed up with two kisten of beer, a turkey, loads of produce, and some playing cards. Throughout the day, folks came and went as they needed, but generally we had at least 4 people there - cooking and drinking beer and playing cards. Good people spending a good day together. We cooked us up a serious meal, ending up with some 14 people, including random passersby, truly embracing the thanksgiving spirit of "grab a plate, pull up a chair, there's room at the table." It felt special.

I just spent my 3rd Thanksgiving and 4th Birthday abroad, in quick succession. For Thanksgiving, Maria and I invited a bunch of people who had never celebrated the holiday in their lives over for a feast. For my birthday, our main friend group (Maria's college friends) spent the whole day with me, playing board games. They surprised me with a nice poker set that they collectively pitched in to get. I had tried my hardest to emphasize beforehand that there was no need for a gift, no need for anything special, just a good day doing something I love spent with good people was enough. But they got me the gift, and got me a cake, and took time out of their schedules to spend it with me, just as they had for Thanksgiving, and it made me feel grateful, and made me feel more at home.

And the other day I scribbled down this poem. As usual, it's probably pretty bad. I know I'm not a gifted poet. But sometimes I feel motivated to give it a shot, so here it is:

We're silly, aren't we
We ceremonialize
Overemphasize
Imbue Meaning where there is None

It's natural
What else is there
But it must be different when the Meaning isn't shared
When it's yours alone

Not we're silly, I'm silly
And presumptive
To ask so much
To imbue my Meaning on their Time

But people are silly aren't they
They like ceremonializing
Overemphasizing
Imbuing Meaning when there is None

So they do it
For you
Because they are human
And you're you

And it feels good
And I feel grateful

Thanks for reading!